In Which the Prof Is Grateful for His Parents’ Vices

A British study reports that children who eat prepared foods as toddlers have lower IQs than children who eat a more natural diet. Once again, I’m reminded of my own history.

My parents were both heavy smokers. Dad was a chain smoker, averaging one cigarette every eight minutes or so, and Mom was good for about two packs a day, including during her pregnancy with me. Likewise, when I was very young, the earliest meals I remember were frozen turkey pot pies, which we ate far too often, from my standpoint. We didn’t have much money, and the frozen crap was cheap, so that’s what we had.

Clearly all this stunted my physical and intellectual growth. Apparently I was supposed to be 22 feet, 9 inches tall and able to split diamonds with the sheer force of my intellect. But thanks to my parents’ malfeasance, I had to settle for being a 6′ 4″ tenured professor.

But it’s probably just as well — had I been 22′ 9″, my folks would have been compelled to name me something like Zontar the Enormous, and it would have been awkward. “Bend over and shake the nice man’s hand, Zontar the Enormous. OK, Zontar the Enormous, now put his arm back on. Sorry, Reverend.”

Of course, YMMV.

About profmondo

Dad, husband, mostly free individual, medievalist, writer, and drummer. "Gladly wolde he lerne and gladly teche."
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5 Responses to In Which the Prof Is Grateful for His Parents’ Vices

  1. Alpheus says:

    Publication bias strikes again.

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