Yes, this is real, because I don’t always know if people are reading the whole thing. I can say that I rarely get comments.
EMERGENCY SITUATIONS: In case of a pandemic, zombie apocalypse or any emergency situation on campus, please visit the following Mondoville College web page frequently for updated information and instructions: [redacted]. In addition, students are expected to adhere to the College’s Pandemic Preparation Plan, including taking appropriate personal preventive measures to avoid contracting influenza and other communicable diseases, minimizing personal contact with others when feeling ill, and following instructions of Mondoville College administration/Wellness Services personnel if quarantined or if an official pandemic is declared. Individual students who are sick should notify course faculty of their illness as soon as possible to develop a plan for completion of course requirements within the timeframe of the course. If students are quarantined and therefore unable to attend class, or if face-to-face classes are cancelled because of a pandemic emergency, students in this class will follow the procedure explained above. Of course, in the event of zombie apocalypse or plague, you may feel the urge to form a procession of flagellants. While this is perfectly natural, it seems to be of little efficacy. On the other hand, prayers for the intercession of St. Thomas Becket are also available, and may even be course-appropriate.
Meanwhile, should I be unable to fight my way through the ravening hordes of soulless brain-eaters, you should check [redacted] for announcements regarding the course.