To the Owners of the Restaurant/Bar at Which I Play Trivia on Occasional Wednesday Nights:

Apparently, it is incumbent upon me to ask a few questions before I arrive. So:

  1. What is your eatery’s position as regards manned space exploration?
  2. In a brief essay, please defend or refute the Supreme Court’s position on Wickard v. Filburn.
  3. Shouldn’t all right-thinking people agree that the 13th Amendment prohibits any sort of mandatory national or community service?
  4. What do the members of your bar staff think about Voter ID laws?
  5. David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?
  6. That one guy running the Fry-O-Lator — no, the one with the barbed-wire tattoo — yeah, Bryce, I guess — what’s his take on the individual mandate?
  7. The company that prints your menu may have printed fliers for a Tea Party rally at some point. Have you denounced them yet? If not, when may we expect this?
  8. Don’t you think that calling one of your drinks a “Slippery Nipple” is degrading and possibly a human-rights violation?
  9. In 500 words or less, please offer an evaluation of the Simpson-Bowles plan.
  10. No, really — Bryce? Dude has a barbed-wire tattoo, and his name is Bryce?
  11. Quote at length.
  12. Who’s tripping down the streets of the city, smiling at everybody she sees?

Please respond via notarized e-mail, including an attachment listing all political or charitable donations by your company, its stockholders, and any staff members, by 7:15 this evening.

Also, I’d like a Shirley Temple, please.

About profmondo

Dad, husband, mostly free individual, medievalist, writer, and drummer. "Gladly wolde he lerne and gladly teche."
This entry was posted in Culture, Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Vetting

  1. ScottO says:

    That tattoo is going to look like a trellis in 40 years.

  2. Don says:

    Everyone knows it’s Windy.

  3. Bob Gusky says:

    I take it you’re satirizing the whole chickfila ordeal? Or am I missing the point (a distinct possibility).

  4. Sandy says:

    Damn, I hate I missed last night. Sounds like ya’ll had fun. 🙂 That being said, I do get your point.

  5. dave.s. says:

    Shirley Temple??!! what kinda guy drinks a Shirley Temple??

    • profmondo says:

      If it helps, I used to order it as a Roy Rogers, but the staff didn’t recognize that.

      And I have to admit, I enjoy the incongruity of the fact that I’m 6’4″, look like a biker, and order Shirley Temples. (They put the cherries on a little plastic sword last night, so after eating the cherries, I stuck the sword in my beard.)

      • Jan says:

        I love that image! My cousin is a biker, and looks like the ugliest meanest one for a hundred miles, but he used to help our great aunt with her Victorian doll houses. He installed shingle roofs, miniature hardwood floors, and built decks on them. Then when she couldn’t head to the miniature doll furniture store, he ride his Harley over, park in front and go in to buy whatever she wanted. I can only image the reactions of the other customers!

  6. Kate P says:

    I could spend all night on #5. Might have to bring that up with my trivia team next Tuesday.

    Also, I now have to look up what’s in a Roy Rogers because I thought that had cola in it (and that was the distinction between it and a Shirley Temple).

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