My phone rang about 20 minutes ago from an unknown number. I’m not usually in the habit of answering those calls, but we’re in the process of finding a car for the Spawn to take to Maryland, so I thought it might be a follow-up call.
“No — this is Warren Moore. Who were you looking for?”
“Yes, this is So-and-so from Company X, and I’m trying to reach Michael Moore about an urgent matter. Do you know if he’s available?”
“Um. He’s really, really unavailable. Actually, he’s incarcerated in Kentucky, doing two life sentences for murder.”
“If you’re trying to contact him, he’s at the Green River Correctional Complex, near Central City, KY.”
“Oh.” But God bless her, the woman continued. “Well, a woman named [someone I don’t know] listed Michael on a form, and this is the contact information we had. You wouldn’t happen to know [this other person], would you?”
“I’m afraid not. I’ve never heard of her. And Michael’s been in prison since 2013, and in jail for the four years prior. He murdered our parents.”
“Oh. Well, I’ll change our information. Sorry to have troubled you.”
End of phone conversation. Now this isn’t the first time I’ve had a version of this conversation, but it doesn’t happen too often. And because I have the sense of humor I do, calls like that amuse me when I get them.
But I found this one especially funny, partly because it’s been a year or two since the last time I took a call for Mike, but also because, after I hung up, this occurred to me.
The caller said she was looking for my brother because someone else had listed him on a form. And I wondered if someone had listed him as a reference, and what kind of life must they have lived for that to seem like a good idea?
“Well, Gacy’s dead, and Ed Kemper won’t return my calls… I guess I’d better list Mike.”
Makes me giggle.